Men, Confidence, & Self-esteem
It’s a cultural stereotype that the “male ego” is characterized by unwavering confidence, risk taking, and inflated self-esteem. Think: The Wolf of Wall Street. Personally? I’ve never met a man who felt that type of confidence all day everyday. Actually, I’ve never met a man who feels that type of confidence on even half of his days. Your friend with a very lucrative business? He feels insecure about if he’s a good enough father. That guy you see with his perfect family out to dinner? He sweated through his shirt while giving a work presentation last week. The super fit dude at the gym who PRs every week? He still has a hard time being vulnerable with his partner. Even Don Draper struggled with his confidence.
So that leads me to wonder: Is self-confidence and self-esteem a stable characteristic, a feeling, or a way of being? As with most things, the answer is it’s a little bit of everything! See below for the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem
Self-esteem
How you view yourself, globally
Stable view of self
Developed in early childhood
Might sound like “I’m not good enough”
If you’re someone who struggles with low self-esteem, chances are you experienced high levels of criticism, emotional neglect, and rejection while growing up. You might be sensitive to criticism or rejection, and often blame yourself, compare yourself to others, or feel insecure.
Self-confidence
How you view your capabilities, in a specific situation
Changes depend on situation
Developed by experiences with situations
Might sound like “I can’t handle this”
If you’re someone who struggles with low self-confidence you likely experienced a guardian who tried to do everything for you, criticized your actions, or neglected to give you guidance. You may view yourself as a failure or incapable of handling stressful situations, and avoid situations where you might have to rely on yourself.
As a man, it can be difficult to admit to yourself that you struggle with low self-confidence or low-self esteem. There’s so much social pressure to put on a mask of confidence for the world to see; hiding the reality of self-loathing. It makes sense why this would be hard. Working with a mental health professional can help you un-learn patterns of low self-confidence or low self-esteem. Through personal self growth, you can change how you view yourself overall and in specific situations. After all, it’s only you who lives in your head- you may as well learn to be a good tenant.
