Why Is Being Vulnerable So Hard?

Being uncomfortable with “vulnerability” in relationships is a common experience for many people. By nature, to be vulnerable is to open yourself up to potentially being emotionally harmed. When we’re vulnerable in our relationships, we are risking being judged, dismissed, or invalidated. That’s a pretty hard thing to overcome.

Men can especially struggle to be vulnerable in relationships. When you consider how men are pressured to be logical and strong no matter what, it’s easy to see how being vulnerable would be a difficult task. How can a man reach the impossible standard of being logical in all circumstances if he’s also in touch with his most painful emotions? How can a man be strong at all times if he’s also allowing himself to be emotionally hurt?

Being raised as a man is one cultural explanation that can make being vulnerable difficult. Another cultural explanation is how emotions were expected to be handled in the household. While growing up, some men were asked “You have food on the table and a roof over your head- what do you have to be depressed about?”, their vulnerable emotions dismissed. Others would be taught to sweep their vulnerably emotions under the rug to avoid conflict. Many men simply didn’t have an example of what it looks like for a man to be vulnerable.

Changing your relationship to vulnerability, and therefore changing your relationship with your partner, comes with intentional practice. Settings like therapy are the perfect place to do just that- it’s a controlled environment where the risk of judgement is inherently lower, and the support and guidance is there to show you how to be more vulnerable in relationships. Practicing being vulnerable during personal or couples therapy sessions helps it feel less uncomfortable and strengthens your relationships.